Things that Leaders Say: Unintended Consequences

Leadership is practiced through communication. Small things that leaders say make all the difference in employee morale, productivity, and loyalty. It all comes down to compassion and messaging. Feeling respected, valued, and challenged motivates every talented and committed employee to stick around and do their best. On the other hand, capable employees know their worth pretty well. And if you treat them with disrespect or lose their trust, they will quit either silently or physically.
The more leaders understand how their communication is received, the more intentional they can be about their impact. To offer some examples, I go through some things my managers have said to me throughout my career. The outcomes of these messages ended up being very different from their initial intentions.

1. “What would we do if you get hit by a bus tomorrow?”

My manager here was trying to express his desire to mitigate the risk of losing me given my unique capabilities and contributions. But he actually made me feel like I didn’t matter. I started looking for my next opportunity.  It wasn’t long before I left for an employer that I felt would sympathize with my family and me if I got hit by a bus! Making employees feel like they don’t matter could be one of the biggest mistakes a leader can make. And doing so with high potential employees can be most drastic. This statement above is still leaving a bad taste with me 19 years after I parted ways with this manager.

2. “Thanks for pointing out that your compensation doesn’t match your value and contribution here. I definitely agree. Let me look into it!

I had brought up with our business unit leader that my pay was too low for my qualifications and performance levels. His response made me feel like I was being valued and appreciated. I ended up staying, made some of my best contributions, and followed that leader to his next job. And it was because of the trust he gained with his honesty and respect rather than the salary raise he offered me later.

3. “I am sad you’re leaving us but happy that you’re being pulled into an exciting opportunity rather than being pushed away by us!”

In this situation, I had submitted my resignation after accepting another exciting opportunity. This response from a leader that I looked up to was pretty inspirational. When I was ready for my next career move later, I reached out to my ex-employer and returned later for a much better opportunity under that same leader.

Inspirational leaders say things that their people keep carrying to other jobs and companies. This leader was more than reassuring during a major transition. It has also been helpful for many of those I work with and coach. My clients probably all heard me ask them whether any of their decisions were push rather than pull-based. Consider this question: what have you said to inspire your own team that they can carry around your organization and elsewhere?

4. “Prepare a presentation to demonstrate to us your ability to complete your work on time.”

Rather than appreciating and leveraging my impact on people as a leader, my manager assumed I was spending too much time on the people management side of my job versus project deliverables. He didn’t ask about the status of my deliverables. This conversation basically drove me to prepare my resignation. I later was able to find a much more senior and influential leadership role with a company whose leadership made me feel respected and trusted.

The assuming leader could easily be the least effective leader. Making inaccurate assumptions based on what you see on the surface is a solid de-motivator of people. Staying curious and inquisitive would have been much more useful in this situation for working together on assessing and closing any performance gap. But assuming lack of delivery based on scattered observations is one of the quickest ways to disengage your employees and demotivate them. Ask yourself one question: to what extent are you successful in making your employees feel like you are partners in success versus a police-person and suspects?

5. “We have an important role for you to play in a new job,” in reference to a much more limited and limiting role

My manager mentioned this only when I said that I’d read between his lines that he was hiring my replacement. I was actually on the interviewing committee for another role and I had to guess that the intention was to replace me. Apparently, some of my colleagues had known about it while I didn’t. The interviewee himself knew about it. I could not trust my manager or his managers after this incident. Regardless of how suitable the role he described was for me, I didn’t feel safe anymore continuing to work for that company. So I started making plans for my next career move and resigned soon after.

This is very common. Many leaders tend to choose confidants from their teams that they share their plans and preferences with. Other employees are left to read between the lines. The confidants may know much more about an employee’s situation than the employee themselves. This is a shortcut to losing the trust and respect of that employee and everyone who’s watching the leader do that. It is also usually where confusion and rumors begin. Transparency, on the other hand, is a leader’s best friend. It helps with mitigating attrition, disengagement, and poor performance.

And one last thing to say…

Nothing beats being honest and respectful to be the best versions of ourselves as leaders. There are definitely limitations to how far we can go in making our people happy. We may not be able to get them where they want today. And they’re probably willing to accept that as long as we acknowledge how far along they’ve come, what’s next, and what it means for them. Finally, nothing beats committing to do your best for your people. In return, they’ll commit to doing their best for you, your organization, and your clients.

Leaders: Hedge your Motivation Position Now!

The Great Resignation, Silent Quitting, Disengaged Employees- Why?

Motivation might have become the rarest commodity for employers, hence the Great Resignation, Silent Quitting, and disengaging employees. This is probably the first time in our lifetime to remain in one collective trauma after the other for almost three years and counting. Many have lost loved ones in the process and others ended up with lasting health effects from COVID. And a good majority is feeling less financially secure with growing inflation worries. Also, almost every industry is experiencing some major disruptive transformations: Environmental, Social, and Governance (ESG), energy transitions, climate change, digital transformation, supply chain crisis, and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI), to name a few!

The motivation crisis may be bigger than the energy crisis, the environmental crisis, or the supply chain crisis. Because only when we have motivation are we able to address these crises. And some crises may actually be caused by the lack of employee motivation. Amidst all these disruptive challenges, many employees seem to be losing their motivation to stay employed or at least do their best. But this problem is not without a solution. It takes authentic engaging leaders.

What does authentic and engaging leadership look like?

You may also be struggling with your own motivation as a leader. And you probably know that you and your organization are not alone in this search for passion, excitement, and motivation. So how can you get some of that motivation back while we’re all still in the middle of the storm? It’s your opportunity to flex your leadership, stakeholder engagement, and change management muscles in new ways. Here we share some tricks that worked for our clients and their teams.

  • Purpose. Ensure the clarity of your true purpose behind doing what you’re doing and how it aligns with your employees’ values. This will take a methodological approach to communicate and explain this purpose across the different layers in your organization.
  • Vulnerability and Authenticity. Show up as an equally struggling human being that doesn’t have all the answers despite being at the top of some ladder. Also, don’t shy away from sharing some of your own unpleasant personal experiences and how they make you feel.
  • Empathy. Take (rather than fake) genuine interest in how your people feel, what they’re going through, and how you can all help each other. It’s becoming more and more difficult for people to follow leaders who seem like they don’t care about them.
  • Professional Help. Seek and offer to your people help in the form of  peer-to-peer mentoring and coaching, as well as therapy, counselling, and coaching support from independent professional services.
  • Learning. Acknowledge that none of you has ever gone through a similar experience in the past and raise the bar for learning and development within your organization, starting with yourself. Set the examples in acquiring new skills and capabilities for a new normal.
  • Challenge. Redesign organizational structures and roles in ways that challenge every employee to take responsibility for mitigating newly emerging risks and taking advantage of new opportunities. Take the time to match people with work that excites them and helps realize your vision and strategic goals.
  • Accountability. Hold yourself and your most senior leaders accountable for meeting your own goals before you hold your employees accountable. Ensure that the general perception within your organization is that reward is directly tied to performance.
  • Comradery. It’s not about who’s at the top anymore and unless people feel you are in this together it will be almost impossible to keep them motivated. Have fun with your people and encourage two way communication. If you want them to be motivated by your messages and actions, start by allowing them to motivate you!

How about you? What are you doing to keep yourself, your team and/or organization motivated?

If you’re having to tell your people to work more hours, it’s time to revisit your own leadership practices!

At the beginning of the Mental Awareness Month this year, I would like to draw the attention of leaders to the importance of creating a work environment that prioritizes employee physical and mental health. Relying on financial growth and career progression opportunity alone to motivate people means that they work for you because they have to, not because they want to. Many leaders wonder why their people aren’t bought into their visions and giving their best. People will only do their best in environments where their mental health is not being jeopardized through a series of unreasonable requests or disrespect. As I typically say to my clients, try a little more compassion and kindness.

I was discussing this with one of my favorite clients a couple of weeks ago and he drew my attention to the fact that it took two. As the CEO of the organization, he pointed out that if your “senior leaders are constantly under delivering and hurting the business you may yourself having to pressure them to work harder and put in more hours.” After a short conversation we agreed that feeling the need to manage your employees’ time and workload is a symptom for a bigger issue that requires addressing. Start asking yourself about the balance your work environment provides, mainly related to the following:

  • Competence. How do you feel about the ability of those who constantly under deliver to address the responsibilities you’re assigning to them?
  • Support. To what extent are you supporting your team with their enablers for success?
  • Accountability. How effective are your management practices in establishing and enforcing accountability?
  • Consequences. To what extent do you, your leadership team, and other employees bear the consequences of your own lack of commitment?
  • Engagement. How would you rate the actual buy-in of your vision and why it makes sense for people to do what you’re asking them to do?

Typically, the answer is some combination of all the above. So making everyone work much harder will make the problem fester longer and result in dissatisfaction among those who are actually delivering. If you ask me what to do, I would say do what my client and I are doing: identify and resolve the actual problem(s). And while you’re doing that don’t forget to give your employees the best wholistic employee experience which would encourage them to give you their best performance. Otherwise, they’ll keep doing what will secure their paychecks and protect them from any headache noncompliance may cause.